i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
