the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
