happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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