I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
