I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are a genius and a whore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
