I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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