You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
