Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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