Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
