I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
