Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
