Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
