My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize