yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
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