Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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