Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
