You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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