Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did I show you my penis last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
