either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize