the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
