whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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