glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
