My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
