Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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