if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
