Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
