would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
