Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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