Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
