I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
