I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
