Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
