I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
