dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
