Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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