I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
