I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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