he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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