Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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