well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
