Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
