Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
