farters have to be the big spoon...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're too hungover to prance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
