Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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