ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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