wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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