hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
