Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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