I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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