Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
