Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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