I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
