Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
