are you still at the devil's house?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
