Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
