I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
