Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
