i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
