drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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