New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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