for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
