There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
