I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
