I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
