imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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